My Blog

im feelin veri lost rite now. i have no idea wat i want in my life, my career, my love life.i have never felt so lost before. my mind is in a total blank. setbacks from my career n love life made me lost all hopes in my life. i dunnoe y m i still livin in this world wen there’s nothing tat i can do well in it.

the career tat i thot i like alot turns out to be so disappointin to me. im spendin most of my time doin paperwork than spendin time wid my patients. wen i cant manage my time well between my patients’ care n paperwork, i tend to neglect my patients. of coz i will get scoldin from my supervisors wen i neglect e care of my patients. my supervisors will always say "dun use busy s an excuse, u have more than enough staffs to help u. 1 staff nurse is = 4junior nurses". i suddenly felt tat im a ’superwoman’ coz my rank a staff nurse is = to 4 juniors. do u noe tat juz bcoz of this i always have to wrk double hard? i noe my rank n i noe i muz do junior wrk but havin to juggle e wrkloads of two positions is not tat easy at all. i have got to deal with doctors, patients and patients’ family members. but how come my pay is only paid for my one n only position as a staff nurse? singaporeans tink we nurses make alot of money, i cant say much abt e managment level but i can tell u for us doin all those manual wrks we are earnin veri little compared to wat we do. ok, never mind abt those hard wrk its something tat i had chosen to do. BUT, y does doctors, patients n most importantly patients’ family members treat us like SHIT!!! they order us ard s if we were their maids tat they have employed. this really dampens my attitude towards wrkin as a carin nurse towards my patients. not only do we get ordered ard, we also suffered from scoldings n complaints. Its been a yr plus since i worked as a nurse, i felt so tired havin to drag my body to wrk everyday. never endin wrk, never endin complaints, never a good rest wen i get home n never been looked upon as a professional by Singaporeans. wat is there left for me to carry on wrkin as a nurse? im not givin up yet coz i know i still love nursin alot. but i guess i have got to find out a solution before things get worse in my job.

its seems like im a demandin, unreasonable person wen im in a relationship. expectin alot from my the other partner. i do agreed tati expect alot from my partner but i too put in alot of efforts in maintaining the relationship. how would u feel if ur partner cant carry out e promises that he had promised u, or not able to make it for a dinner or outin tat u had planned for so long even thou u urself are busy with ur wrk? not payin attention to ur feelin. takin for granted tat since u know him so well from inside out tat there’s no need for him to explain to u why is he doin all those things n not keepin u company on ur off days or u tryin to meet him on his off days even thou u had a busy day? i tried my best to be understandin, tat he’s busy busy n busy till he doesnt have e time to celebrate our monthly anniversary. knowin well tat he got to wrk on e special i requested my off day on e day he need not go to wrk but in e end bcoz he was busy doin smth which was important to him tat he went out late n couldnt wake up e nxt day to go out wid me. this has happened many times n each times im juz so disappointed in him. i will get angry n throw tantrums at him n he expect me not to get angry at him n muz be understandin. how understandin do u want ur gf to be wen she knows nothing abt wat u r doin? ok so its condifential tat’s y u cant say. how abt a call or msg sayin tat u wont be able to make it on tat day? i wasted my precious rest day at home waitin for u to wake up n go out wid me. till evening time wen i called u, u said u juz woke up n goin to have dinner n will call me back later. i waited till 8pm + wen i called u back. u didnt say anything u only asked me wat i want. can i tell u wat i want? no, coz u wont be able to do wat i want n in e end i can only accept wat u can do for me. i asked u wat u want u didint noe, so how do u expect me to noe? im already so stressed from wrk n u r expectin me to be understandin.

im really so tired….. my career n love life have drained out my strength… all of it… i cant rest… not even wen im at home or spendin my time wid my loved ones.. coz i still got another role to play, another responsibility to carry out. im really tired… im lost… lost in a place where i dunnoe where i m.