lost….
im feelin veri lost rite now. i have no idea wat i want in my life, my career, my love life.i have never felt so lost before. my mind is in a total blank. setbacks from my career n love life made me lost all hopes in my life. i dunnoe y m i still livin in this world wen there’s nothing tat i can do well in it.
the career tat i thot i like alot turns out to be so disappointin to me. im spendin most of my time doin paperwork than spendin time wid my patients. wen i cant manage my time well between my patients’ care n paperwork, i tend to neglect my patients. of coz i will get scoldin from my supervisors wen i neglect e care of my patients. my supervisors will always say "dun use busy s an excuse, u have more than enough staffs to help u. 1 staff nurse is = 4junior nurses". i suddenly felt tat im a ’superwoman’ coz my rank a staff nurse is = to 4 juniors. do u noe tat juz bcoz of this i always have to wrk double hard? i noe my rank n i noe i muz do junior wrk but havin to juggle e wrkloads of two positions is not tat easy at all. i have got to deal with doctors, patients and patients’ family members. but how come my pay is only paid for my one n only position as a staff nurse? singaporeans tink we nurses make alot of money, i cant say much abt e managment level but i can tell u for us doin all those manual wrks we are earnin veri little compared to wat we do. ok, never mind abt those hard wrk its something tat i had chosen to do. BUT, y does doctors, patients n most importantly patients’ family members treat us like SHIT!!! they order us ard s if we were their maids tat they have employed. this really dampens my attitude towards wrkin as a carin nurse towards my patients. not only do we get ordered ard, we also suffered from scoldings n complaints. Its been a yr plus since i worked as a nurse, i felt so tired havin to drag my body to wrk everyday. never endin wrk, never endin complaints, never a good rest wen i get home n never been looked upon as a professional by Singaporeans. wat is there left for me to carry on wrkin as a nurse? im not givin up yet coz i know i still love nursin alot. but i guess i have got to find out a solution before things get worse in my job.
its seems like im a demandin, unreasonable person wen im in a relationship. expectin alot from my the other partner. i do agreed tati expect alot from my partner but i too put in alot of efforts in maintaining the relationship. how would u feel if ur partner cant carry out e promises that he had promised u, or not able to make it for a dinner or outin tat u had planned for so long even thou u urself are busy with ur wrk? not payin attention to ur feelin. takin for granted tat since u know him so well from inside out tat there’s no need for him to explain to u why is he doin all those things n not keepin u company on ur off days or u tryin to meet him on his off days even thou u had a busy day? i tried my best to be understandin, tat he’s busy busy n busy till he doesnt have e time to celebrate our monthly anniversary. knowin well tat he got to wrk on e special i requested my off day on e day he need not go to wrk but in e end bcoz he was busy doin smth which was important to him tat he went out late n couldnt wake up e nxt day to go out wid me. this has happened many times n each times im juz so disappointed in him. i will get angry n throw tantrums at him n he expect me not to get angry at him n muz be understandin. how understandin do u want ur gf to be wen she knows nothing abt wat u r doin? ok so its condifential tat’s y u cant say. how abt a call or msg sayin tat u wont be able to make it on tat day? i wasted my precious rest day at home waitin for u to wake up n go out wid me. till evening time wen i called u, u said u juz woke up n goin to have dinner n will call me back later. i waited till 8pm + wen i called u back. u didnt say anything u only asked me wat i want. can i tell u wat i want? no, coz u wont be able to do wat i want n in e end i can only accept wat u can do for me. i asked u wat u want u didint noe, so how do u expect me to noe? im already so stressed from wrk n u r expectin me to be understandin.
im really so tired….. my career n love life have drained out my strength… all of it… i cant rest… not even wen im at home or spendin my time wid my loved ones.. coz i still got another role to play, another responsibility to carry out. im really tired… im lost… lost in a place where i dunnoe where i m.
July 20th, 2005 at 1:25 am
heya… hope u are doing ok.. =)
*hugs*
July 20th, 2005 at 10:15 am
In a relationship is like this. Sometimes you dunno whether your love is enough for him or too much for him to take. Take one step at a time. communication is very important dear. Take things slowly, no need to rush.
As for nursing, yap i’m slowly feeling this way. What we are doing now are not what nurses used to be doing. More papers work, uneccesary PR and the whole world still thinking that we are having high pay. Wondering, since i got high pay than where is the rest of the money??
August 2nd, 2005 at 8:56 am
I guess it’s actually not a good time for me to comment anything now. But i just feel that your passion in nursing shouldn’t be affected!! Everyone are working hard, and i know that you are trying your best too. Personally, i think you need to learn about how to manage your time, your resources and your emotion. Nobody is perfect. We all learn from mistakes. So don’t get upset just because you got a scolding from your surepvisor(which we get it too), or because others treat we nurses like so call ‘high class maid’! We must take pride of our work. If we think that we didn’t get the respect that we deserve, then we must do something to show to others that we are Missy!! “I know my work and please show respect to my professionalism!”
I’ve always think that, if you already look down on your own career, then don’t expect people to respect you.